Why Not?

So last night I was feeling particularly frustrated with the world of merchandise and all things marketed.

Frustrations like, why don't they have a hybrid minivan, but they have hybrid SUVs? Do families with kids not want to conserve and save on gas too?

I interrupt this post to warn you that the following comments are for women only.

I repeat, women only.

I cannot be held responsible for making any gentlemen feel awkward.

You have been warned.

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Anyhow, the biggest frustration of all was with the bra industry. The only lament I have about having another little one, is the nursing bra frustration.
I cannot for the life of me find nursing bras that make it through even one child, much less 2, 3, or 4!
Why do companies like Victoria Secret not create a good nursing bra? They could even call it the Mommy Line. I hate that my options are $60 bras online (that I have to hope fit) or $15-30 bras from a maternity store, that will need to be replaced in a few months time.
Do any of you experienced mommies out there, have a better source for a good quality, but not outrageously expensive, nursing bra? If so, please let me know in the next few months, so that I can look into it before I have to get desperate and go with one of my other options.

It's A Boy!

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Did anyone seriously believe that I somehow knew at 7 weeks (yes that is all) what we are having?

Anyhow, as the mother of two beautiful little girls, it has been interesting, telling people about the expectation of the new arrival (March 29th, though seriously does anyone ever have their baby on their due date, I mean really, the likelihood of me giving birth on March 29 is about the same as me having twins...).

(random fact: 5% of women give birth on their due date, 3.125% of births are twins)


So, telling people about our little one that is coming March-ish, I have found people's responses to be unexpected. Since this was our third go at sharing "the news", I figured it would have become almost routine, but I guess there is nothing routine about a new life.

(Background, we decided to tell people as soon as we found out which means we are less than 2 months in, and still in the unstable-ness of the first trimester)

People have of course been excited, but the responses have ranged from the non-verbal awkward silent pauses to strange prophetic declarations.

There have been two particular responses which have surprised me the most.

The first is the unbelievable number of people who are surprised we didn't wait until the 2nd trimester, when we are out of "danger", to tell anyone. Seriously people, am I the only person on the planet that thinks that it isn't a bad thing to share my joy with others as soon as I find out, even if it means later sharing my pain with everyone as well?

I want people to know! And especially during the time when our little one is most vulnerable and needs the most prayer, I want people to pray with us for his/her health. I want people to rejoice with us as we rejoice. Likewise, I hope that if we did lose our little one during this sensitive time, those same people would be able to weep with us, feeling in some way a bit of our pain, as they have rejoiced beside us already.

(Another fact: 25% of pregnancies are miscarried before the 6th week and 8% are miscarried after the 6th week)

I understand that many miscarriages happen even before the woman knows she is with child, and I can't even imagine those emotions. I also understand that for some, telling only a handful of people feels safer, so as to have the support, but not all the questions and potentially having to retell the same difficult story again and again.

And maybe that is the difference. As difficult a story to tell as losing a child could be, I believe in the benefit of all those potential prayers. And I believe that for me having people genuinely want to help me through a difficult time of mourning would be such an encouragement.

I felt the fear and pain of almost losing Lizzie and cannot express to you, even now, just how much the encouragement of the multitudes of believers and nonbelievers meant to me. And though I don't pretend to know the pain of losing a child, I am almost certain I would continue to pull from the encouragement of others, to pick me up again.

All that to say, if you think us foolish for sharing our joy, you are not alone :-) And although it (obviously) bothers me that people look at me as a fool, I will continue to try and understand your points of view, while I stand firm in our decision to tell the world of our joy.

So, the second, and much more lighthearted response that has surprised me. I have already had a number of people immediately proclaim, "You are having a boy!"

Though I believe in the gift of prophecy (a subject for another post), I am not sure these declarations count as truly prophetic, and so they act as good entertainment for the most part. I am not dismissing them, but realizing that as a mother of 2 girls, people assume we want a boy and could easily lean that direction.

When late into my pregnancy with Ellie (I think about a week before she was born) I had a lady randomly approach me at the mall. She reached out to touch my extremely protruding belly and in her best English told me in seriousness and complete self-assurance that I was having a boy. I quickly explained we had had two ultrasounds that said we were having a girl. She looked at me with a face that said "I'm not kidding" and firm exclaimed, "They were wrong, it is a boy."(or something to that effect). That moment made me pause and think that maybe I was having a boy, so much so that I was a bit surprised when Eliana came out.

Now, I know that until the little one comes out, you never really know what you will have.


Thank you everyone for your responses, as expected or unexpectedly as they have been. It has been great fun to take them all in :-)

Looking Ahead With Joy to My Morning

An old one, but much needed:

"I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

Chorus:
And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning"

Thanks Darrell Evans for being used by God to encourage me this morning.

Numero Tres

Bit of good news to brighten your day.

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Steph's pregnant.

:-)

Let's Talk About the Weather

It is pouring outside...again.

This Summer has been a shock to my system physically and metaphorically.
I love a good storm. Something to jolt me to life again and remind me that God is in control. The huge booming clap of thunder that shakes your seat and makes you feel small in a good way. The light show that outdoes any fireworks display no matter which side of the Mississippi you are on...awesome. The rain that comes down in sheets of white, taking once parched land, and creating a mud puddle in seconds.

What I don't love, is when that storm turns into a never-ending drowning of life, that leaves you doing the doggy paddle to keep your head above water. I don't love the way nothing ever is fully dry. Or the way that people lose their awe for the insane noise that rattles them physically, and go on as if they are ignoring the power of God Himself. Or how people (myself included)lament the impending storm as, "another storm".

The weather this summer has been the later...and so has life.

It started to pour a couple of weeks ago. My mom was here for a visit from Washington State and we had been enjoying our time, but she was feeling even more poorly than she had apparently been at home (I will spare you the details). Finally two weeks ago this Tuesday, we decided it couldn't wait for her return home 2 days later, because now she was jaundice. We made lots of calls and eventually decided the ER was our only option.

We did the usual waiting to be called, sitting in a room, waiting some more, blood tests, x-ray... By late that evening (probably near midnight) they were thinking Hepatitis A. To be sure they decided to keep her overnight and do a CAT scan in the morning. This didn't sit well with my very young 49 year old mother, who hadn't been to the hospital since my brother was born in 1986. However, she graciously agreed to endure the evening stay in a hospital on the other side of the country just over a day before she was supposed to return home.

The next morning they took a very long amount of time to do all the testing they could. That afternoon the doctor came in and let us know that is was definitely not Hepatitis A, but that there was something blocking the common bile duct (the tubing that connects the pancreas, gall bladder, liver and small intestines), hence the turning yellow all over. Unfortunately they couldn't do anything else at this hospital (Beverly Hospital), and would have to arrange for her to be transferred by ambulance over to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. Of course that night there was a severe storm that contained tornadoes and was heading towards us, so the ambulance got caught in awful traffic, meaning we didn't get to her new hospital home away from home until 8pm that night. Since it was clear that she would not make her return flight we canceled it with hopes of rescheduling in a couple of days.

That night the new hospital redid every last test that had already been done, meaning we slept very little, because every time we dosed off someone else came in to draw blood, put stickers all over her for EEG or take her to another location for an X-ray or CAT scan. She wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything, but at one point they did make her drink 32 oz. (an entire nalgene) of milk for the CAT scan :-)


The next day we waited. I went home and got things together, while mom tried to sleep and that evening had an Endoscopy done to insert a stent (this was a plastic stent to allow things to flow through the duct, so that her body could get rid of the excess bilirubin that was causing the jaundice).

The next morning I returned to find that they had hoped to do another Endoscopy that day (Friday), this time to take a biopsy (since they were only able to take a scraping in the first procedure). Unfortunately there was no room to squeeze her in that day, so they had to wait for Tuesday. Since she was not jaundice anymore, and was seemingly healthy they sent her home with me, to be brought back the next week for her biopsy. While this was taking place, my dad was on an airplane heading out now that we knew mom would be here for at least a few more days.

We spent the weekend, plus Monday, sightseeing to keep our minds busy. Tuesday we headed into the City again, this time my parents, the girls and I (Allen started class on the Monday). Her 12:30pm scheduled procedure didn't happen until close to 4pm. We were there all day waiting. The procedure didn't take more than an hour and she did great. The doctors that did it came by to talk to my parents and used the big "C" word...CANCER. The words we dreaded.

We then spent the next couple of days trying to do even more sightseeing to keep our minds even busier than we had before. Her consultation to go over the official results, with her doctor, was Friday morning. Dr. Vollmer confirmed the hunch of the previous doctors, and said that the tumor could not be removed, due to its location. The cancer attached itself to a very important vein, meaning it is far more risky to try to take it out, than to simply leave it.

My parents got on a plane to go home that afternoon. This week they have the task of maneuvering their way through Kaiser's web of people you have to see before you get anything done. Hopefully soon mom will meet with a skilled Oncologist who can explain the options and time frames.

We know she is in His hands. The Creator. The Roar behind the thunder. The Light beyond anything we could imagine.

Pray.

Pray.

And Pray some more.

A Father's Love

Yesterday was vacuum day here at the Hutchison Apartment. I was busily pushing the vacuum across the floor when low and behold a heart (one of the girls alphabet toys with the word heart embroidered on it, very neat toys I might add, Anyhow), it was on the floor where I needed to vacuum so Allen thoughtfully grabbed it and said, "Here is my heart".



Being from a family of quick wit and all the sass to go with, I thought to respond, no actually it isn't yours to give, it is Lizzie's. Of course, with the vacuuming I chose not to, but as I continued my way through the apartment I thought about the implications of that little exchange.

The truth is daddy's would love to be able to choose who their daughter's hearts go to, and yet they can't. No matter how they may try to persuade, and coerce their lovely daughters to be attracted to the boys of their choosing (whether their little girl is 6 or 36), they have no control. Instead they must wait, and hope and pray that the little girl they watched grow up, will choose for herself as well or better than he can choose for her.



Someday Allen will come to that moment of no longer being able to pick up the heart and hand it to whom he chooses, but instead must release it to another. There will be seas of tears of all types on that blessed day. Until then, we have a huge job ahead teaching our girls to love and be loved as God would have them do.

And to my father,
Thank you for letting go. Being married to Allen has been the biggest blessing of my life. God chose well for me, so thank you for trusting God and me and letting go through your own sea.

I love you Daddy.
Always your little girl,
Steph

Stupid Key Lock

So, I have made an unfortunate habit of letting the girls play with my cell phone occasionally. I have "cleverly" locked it so that they are unable to do anything more than press buttons and sometimes they are able to take a picture or two. Harmless, right?



WRONG!!!!!!


I just received a call from a strange number. When I picked up the very professional male voice, said, "This is Emergency blah blah blah (Note: read blah blahs as Stephanie going into phone shock, mind racing as I process what this means). We received a 9-1-1 call from this phone and wanted to see if you were having an emergency?" (Slight pause as I try to formulate some words to explain my utter foolishness and complete embarrassment).
"Um, No. I am really sorry that was my daughter playing with my phone. I am really sorry."
The conversation ended with some quick parting pleasantries and my mouth hanging low in shock.

So, if you ever are having an emergency, never fear, Lizzie will make the call, key lock or not!

Thinking ahead

For this five minute window, Lizzie wants to be a doctor when she grows up.

Dancing fun

New video goodness. The girls dancing around and playing silly games. :-)

Dancing fun

Videos

We have now posted the Boz video and the Birthday video. Check them out here and here.

Once there just click on the link and it should take you right to the video. Enjoy!

Note: The birthday video is almost 5 minutes in length, so it could take time to load for some of you.