Me: (having just taken a bunch of vitamin C) I just boosted my immune system. Lizzie, can you say 'immune'?
Lizzie: No. That's a big word.
Me: **much laughter**
Lizzie: That's not funny.Monday, September 29, 2008
Immune
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Praise the LORD!!!
Today was a day of blessings.
First, the church Women's Bible Study began this morning. It was great. And best of all, not a single person in my group has anything to do with the seminary. That means I am going to be able to get to know 7 other godly women from the area. I am so excited!
Second, Allen had his back appointment today and the neurosurgeon is awesome. He is very old school in manner and style. He is an older gentleman who you can tell has been in the back business for quite some time. He said that surgery is an option, but that it is up to Allen when and if it will happen. He asked what Allen's calendar looked like and Allen told him school just started. As soon as he heard that he said, "Oh no, let's not do surgery for awhile then. Why don't we see about trying a shot of cortisone?" He then explained that it has many different out comes, but generally can buy some time before needing to consider surgery. So, that is the plan. In the next couple weeks Allen will get the shot of cortisone and then we will wait and see from there.
Finally, Allen got another job! He has 12 hours with the IT department on campus, and now will get another 10-15 hours working for a professor doing a variety of administrative assistant type jobs. It should be a great opportunity to get a look behind the scenes.
Thanks for your prayers.
First, the church Women's Bible Study began this morning. It was great. And best of all, not a single person in my group has anything to do with the seminary. That means I am going to be able to get to know 7 other godly women from the area. I am so excited!
Second, Allen had his back appointment today and the neurosurgeon is awesome. He is very old school in manner and style. He is an older gentleman who you can tell has been in the back business for quite some time. He said that surgery is an option, but that it is up to Allen when and if it will happen. He asked what Allen's calendar looked like and Allen told him school just started. As soon as he heard that he said, "Oh no, let's not do surgery for awhile then. Why don't we see about trying a shot of cortisone?" He then explained that it has many different out comes, but generally can buy some time before needing to consider surgery. So, that is the plan. In the next couple weeks Allen will get the shot of cortisone and then we will wait and see from there.
Finally, Allen got another job! He has 12 hours with the IT department on campus, and now will get another 10-15 hours working for a professor doing a variety of administrative assistant type jobs. It should be a great opportunity to get a look behind the scenes.
Thanks for your prayers.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Life
This month a Bible Study friend of mine, Mandy, has been DOing a themed set of postings about DOing something as Christians.
I was excited at the idea, but once I began thinking about it I felt saddened. What can I possibly DO? I am a nauseated pregnant mother of 2 1/2, with a husband whose back is falling apart while he attempts seminary and working to provide for us, all the while I'm trying to process my mom's recently diagnosed pancreatic cancer (and breast cancer, but unrelated to the pancreatic cancer). Who can I give to when there is nothing left to give?
Then I was reminded of the words of another Bible Study Sister, Rachel. She pointed out one Tuesday evening that in II Corinthians 12:9 it says, "But he said, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (Today's NIV). This means in essence that we need to be weak for His power to be made perfect and His grace to take over. (Sorry Rachel if I botched this).
That means then that this is where God wants me, so that He can DO, through me.
Today Mandy (who I mentioned at the beginning of this post) linked to a woman who has challenge me to DO SOMETHING.
So what am I going to DO? Right now, I am going to be as real and vulnerable as one can be on a blog that all of one's friends and family and some strangers read.
So be patient as this weak vessel tries to let God Do His thing.
Here is my heart:
I'm a bottled up dreamer who has stifled her dreams for the sake of practicality. "I want too much", I tell myself again and again when new dreams arise or old ones resurface. But I would trade all those dreams for a new reality. A reality where I wasn't 3,000 miles from home while my mom is fighting one of the most evil things on this planet. A reality where 49 year old healthy women aren't told that they could be in heaven in the next few years. A reality where my children would know the healthy, lively and energetic Nana they were suppose to have, and not the one whose body is being hijacked by mutant cells.
Now I have new dreams. Dreams of miracle cancer cures and my mom getting to see Lizzie go to her first day of school. Dreams of doctors shaking theirs heads in disbelief that the cancer is gone, when they can't explain why. Dreams that, in the reality of this world, seem just that... dreams, but the dreams which I have prayed for harder than any of my own stifled dreams from the past, present and probably most that I may have yet to dream.
I am trying to process life.
I am trying to process death.
I am trying to understand the fuzzy area before the first ends and the second begins.
I don't know how.
I have dealt with death again and again in my life, but not like this. I have said goodbye to grandparents, elderly friends, even a young cousin, but every time was vastly different from this situation. I have been able to cope with watching an older loved one die, knowing they had lived a full and complete life. I have watch loved ones die from their own poor choices. I have had the shocking feeling of mourning a life ended young due to war.
But I have never had to try and prepare myself for the loss of one so close, while still trying to hold on to hope for a cure that would make the preparations pointless. How do you balance? How do you not give up on life and still be emotionally prepare for the possibility of death? And how do you explain to a small child things that even your own heart and mind cannot reconcile?
I know God is bigger than the evils of this world. I know He is gracious. I know He is merciful. I know He is kind. But I also know that He does all things for the good of those that love Him (Rom. 8:28), and my version of "good", may not look like His. And guess what, His "good" is better.
But I am scared. I am scared that He hears my prayers and is saying, "trust me". I am scared for what it might mean to truly trust Him. But I have to do it. I have to have faith that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has more knowledge, wisdom, power and might than all the doctors of this Earth combined. I have to believe that He is in control, not the team that are forever changing their minds on what is going to happen to treat my mom. I have to trust with all that I am that in the end, His will is going to be DOne.
So what am I DOing. Praying, trusting and waiting.
What are you DOing?
I was excited at the idea, but once I began thinking about it I felt saddened. What can I possibly DO? I am a nauseated pregnant mother of 2 1/2, with a husband whose back is falling apart while he attempts seminary and working to provide for us, all the while I'm trying to process my mom's recently diagnosed pancreatic cancer (and breast cancer, but unrelated to the pancreatic cancer). Who can I give to when there is nothing left to give?
Then I was reminded of the words of another Bible Study Sister, Rachel. She pointed out one Tuesday evening that in II Corinthians 12:9 it says, "But he said, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (Today's NIV). This means in essence that we need to be weak for His power to be made perfect and His grace to take over. (Sorry Rachel if I botched this).
That means then that this is where God wants me, so that He can DO, through me.
Today Mandy (who I mentioned at the beginning of this post) linked to a woman who has challenge me to DO SOMETHING.
So what am I going to DO? Right now, I am going to be as real and vulnerable as one can be on a blog that all of one's friends and family and some strangers read.
So be patient as this weak vessel tries to let God Do His thing.
Here is my heart:
I'm a bottled up dreamer who has stifled her dreams for the sake of practicality. "I want too much", I tell myself again and again when new dreams arise or old ones resurface. But I would trade all those dreams for a new reality. A reality where I wasn't 3,000 miles from home while my mom is fighting one of the most evil things on this planet. A reality where 49 year old healthy women aren't told that they could be in heaven in the next few years. A reality where my children would know the healthy, lively and energetic Nana they were suppose to have, and not the one whose body is being hijacked by mutant cells.
Now I have new dreams. Dreams of miracle cancer cures and my mom getting to see Lizzie go to her first day of school. Dreams of doctors shaking theirs heads in disbelief that the cancer is gone, when they can't explain why. Dreams that, in the reality of this world, seem just that... dreams, but the dreams which I have prayed for harder than any of my own stifled dreams from the past, present and probably most that I may have yet to dream.
I am trying to process life.
I am trying to process death.
I am trying to understand the fuzzy area before the first ends and the second begins.
I don't know how.
I have dealt with death again and again in my life, but not like this. I have said goodbye to grandparents, elderly friends, even a young cousin, but every time was vastly different from this situation. I have been able to cope with watching an older loved one die, knowing they had lived a full and complete life. I have watch loved ones die from their own poor choices. I have had the shocking feeling of mourning a life ended young due to war.
But I have never had to try and prepare myself for the loss of one so close, while still trying to hold on to hope for a cure that would make the preparations pointless. How do you balance? How do you not give up on life and still be emotionally prepare for the possibility of death? And how do you explain to a small child things that even your own heart and mind cannot reconcile?
I know God is bigger than the evils of this world. I know He is gracious. I know He is merciful. I know He is kind. But I also know that He does all things for the good of those that love Him (Rom. 8:28), and my version of "good", may not look like His. And guess what, His "good" is better.
But I am scared. I am scared that He hears my prayers and is saying, "trust me". I am scared for what it might mean to truly trust Him. But I have to do it. I have to have faith that the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has more knowledge, wisdom, power and might than all the doctors of this Earth combined. I have to believe that He is in control, not the team that are forever changing their minds on what is going to happen to treat my mom. I have to trust with all that I am that in the end, His will is going to be DOne.
So what am I DOing. Praying, trusting and waiting.
What are you DOing?
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Ironies
Today was full of irony.
Things like the midwife needing me to get my thyroid levels tested at the lab that closes at 4:30pm, and Allen getting off work (with the car) at ...dah, dah, dah-dah...4:30. So I will be doing that tomorrow.
Or the fact that despite our wet summer, the past few weeks have been gorgeous. Which isn't the irony, just wait. Every year the seminary holds an all campus family Clamfest, where all of the students and families come together to eat dinner as one. The thousands gathered last year and were shower with loving service of the professors and staff who stood out in the POURING (we are talking flood inducing) rains serving each person their food. We have assumed that with the current nice weather trend, this year would be nicer. Then I found this. Do you think it is God's humor coming out? :-)
Finally, today while stuck indoors on a beautiful day, due to some disobedient girls that lost the priviledge of the outdoors (which definitely hurt me more than them, let me tell you), I did some Facebook updating.
For kicks and giggles I click on the scroll option that said I was a "CHRISTIAN-Amish". Then I had to laugh. Think for a minute about the reality of having that as an option on Facebook.
Got it?
In case it hasn't clicked yet, Amish don't do modern technology, so what Amish person is going to have Facebook?
Anyhow, thought I would share some laughs from my day.
Things like the midwife needing me to get my thyroid levels tested at the lab that closes at 4:30pm, and Allen getting off work (with the car) at ...dah, dah, dah-dah...4:30. So I will be doing that tomorrow.
Or the fact that despite our wet summer, the past few weeks have been gorgeous. Which isn't the irony, just wait. Every year the seminary holds an all campus family Clamfest, where all of the students and families come together to eat dinner as one. The thousands gathered last year and were shower with loving service of the professors and staff who stood out in the POURING (we are talking flood inducing) rains serving each person their food. We have assumed that with the current nice weather trend, this year would be nicer. Then I found this. Do you think it is God's humor coming out? :-)
Finally, today while stuck indoors on a beautiful day, due to some disobedient girls that lost the priviledge of the outdoors (which definitely hurt me more than them, let me tell you), I did some Facebook updating.
For kicks and giggles I click on the scroll option that said I was a "CHRISTIAN-Amish". Then I had to laugh. Think for a minute about the reality of having that as an option on Facebook.
Got it?
In case it hasn't clicked yet, Amish don't do modern technology, so what Amish person is going to have Facebook?
Anyhow, thought I would share some laughs from my day.
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